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November 22nd, 2009
12:47 am
How can I sing when my words have run dry
How can I smile with a tear in my eye
Summer's so lost when it's raining in June
That's how it feels
When I'm missing you
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November 11th, 2009
02:06 am
Because no one knows me more than you do. No one listen to me more than than you do. I can't sit still tonight, leaving all these thoughts hanging. Can't help but to get upset with the culture right now. About how much I am so involve in yet, I have to adapt to the difference. I see one by one giving up to the reality and get suck into it. But I hate to see myself doing it like them. I just felt it's unfair, I grew up in that nasty workspace yet it's all so different right now. Yes, you're right. I am thankful that because of the past, I'm a much stronger person now. No one may be appreciating you, but I do and no one needs you more than I do.
When I wake up tomorrow, it will be a brand new day.
Work hard and smart.
Be humble and not give up.
New motto: It doesn't matter what resort or method you got to use now, just get the things done and win the race with victory.
life sucks man. hahaha
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November 8th, 2009
12:34 am
It was like a rollarcoaster ride. I had motion sickness today. :(
haha and last night was fun but feb 14 was still the best. right ben? We welcome zhixiang to the club. But not in the near future. It seeks no fulfilment.
I can't wait for Friday to come. I wonder out of the 400 sign ups for GL Recruitment, how many will turn up. Thank God for the tremendous outcome. Praise the lord. I am so excited and sexcited for the NAFA test on that day too. hahaha.
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November 4th, 2009
05:05 pm
This is the harsh reality, you just have to suck it up mel.
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November 2nd, 2009
11:27 pm
MUSIC EXAM IS OVERRRRRRRR!!
I hope I am a graduate now. YAY What does a music teacher sounds? lol.
CRAZII. My legs are cut with lalangs while during the recce @ Camp Christine and they ltch like crazy right now.
I'm sleepy and drosy. Ben, stop killing zombies and talk to me I want to sleeeeeep soon!
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October 30th, 2009
11:32 pm
Today I have made a decision: I want to be a compassionate leader.
With determination, faith and God's Grace, I will lead my team up another level. It's a legacy I am talking about here.
First step: Get pass this stage : STRESS
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October 23rd, 2009
09:43 am
" So many people walk around with meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. They way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning. "
-Morrie
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October 21st, 2009
01:49 am
I just teared thinking about some stuff pertaining to ssc. It's not stress! I never felt so lonely before. The things that I've gone through was so much more than what's now. It really disturbs. Grace and Shuixian, you hear me? Please come and find me, I really miss you.
:'(
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October 19th, 2009
10:55 pm
I am so tired I feel like skipping school and sleep my day off tomorrow, sad to say, I can't. my last four days of hols was packed back to back, I only slept for an average of 5 hours per day. I worked, attend exercise day, went JB, went morning pm, church, meet the Leonards to discuss camp program, music lesson and more music lesson. but then, it's all worth the while. heh. I'm proud of myself and my achievement so far. woo weet.
first day of school was great.
goodnights.
hugs and kisses to ben baby.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/bitospud/courier/black/bouncy.gif) bouncy
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10:52 pm
Still very much in love,
you bubu.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/bitospud/courier/black/happy.gif) cheerful
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October 9th, 2009
02:06 pm - Nothing changes.
Came across a lovely song.
I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart
love is waiting.
( what else more to ask. )
Current Location: NP Library
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/bitospud/courier/black/awake.gif) optimistic
Current Music: Brooker Fraser- Love is waiting
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October 7th, 2009
02:03 pm - For 4 days 3 nights
The long endless journey with sleep eat talk and nothing, everyone kept finding a comfortable position to lie. How 10 packets of mamee lasted me for 4 days. The night confidence walk, two hours of motion sickness, vomited out my breakfast on day 2, climbing 400m high, 77 flights of high steps, rapid shooting was so much fun. Crawling in the dark dark cooling cave, the 4 wheel ride of our life, the great waterfall with water so sparkling clear and cold that my stomach shivers. Late nights uno game, someone mummering "skip skip skip" during his sleep. the murder game and the game of idiot. Not forgetting all the cute little goats and sheep that keep us company! :D
"Baby, pls take care of yourself as this time round, I'm not there to take good care of you. You must becareful at all times. Be brave to try out new things, be bold to push yourself to the limit. But you must distinct between what you can and cannot do. I know you'll have so much fun! And that you'll emerge stronger too. Hehe, our first separation, and I know everything will be fine. I know God will take good care of you, and that he will bring you safely home. Love you. See you four days later!"
-Ben
Well, I'm back home safely.
Current Location: wolskelroad
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/bitospud/courier/black/calm.gif) calm
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October 6th, 2009
01:28 pm
Whatever you say, you deem it fit.
I am just lacking in all these.
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October 4th, 2009
02:14 am
After return from Malaysia to a place I once called home, I felt the distance from this unfamiliar place. It is a feeling that I can't put my finger on. This is something that I had personally never experience before. I felt the need to remedy the important things in my life, fast. I got so worked up when I found out that B is having a tight schedule of events in his life. I just want to get connected with him once again. Like full connection type. ha. I toiled mindlessly over SSC matters, over commitment, over my last semester, over my music exam and FYP2.
Its as if all of these seemingly important issues has fully permeated through me, threatening to engulf my soul, forcing me down a pit of self-pity and hate. A pit of which there may be no escape. (hey that almost rhymes)
I really feel like stabbing myself now. Didn't the word preached today tell me that I should make a change in my life, not just by grumbling and thinking life is like that. "Too bad? So what? My life sucks." Now it hits like a ton of bricks.. An hour of emotional turmoil has did nothing but to drive my spirit to rock bottom level, and only then will I feel better. It is directly co-related to how I would feel, and its a huge puzzle, even to me. I have got to get worse, in order to get better. Perhaps dying is living, realising is forgetting, and maybe, crying is laughing.
Tonight was supposed to be the meet-up. I have spent countless nights lying fully awake at night upon my bed, praying and wishing that this day will never arrive. Such wishful thinking proved only to be futile in the grand scheme of time, where it simply continues to tick, regardless of your situation.
I had already made up my mind not to miss service because of it a week ago. During my 8 hours journey home from Malaysia, I spent most of my time thinking about this friendship. B kept knocking senses into me to take the better way out of this situation quite some time ago. Why the holding back now, why am I so self-concious, why does the absence seem perfectly fine to me now.
Perhaps the reason why I don't entertain these thoughts is because it would only break my heart further, every time. Still thinking of all the memories, all the times we stood up for each other. I still tell myself that, "Hey, It's still a relationship that is worth much."
I went home after fellowship. Spoke with B online.
Then he asked this question: "Do you feel like you are missing out?"
I stared blankly at my screen, lost for words, transfixed at such a simple yet profound question.
I could not answer.
But deep within my heart, I wanted to be there. I wanted to feel the old sense of friendship and bonds that we had forged so very long ago. But it's a strange place to be now after all these months.
This is a change that I am unwilling to make as of now.
Regardless of the situation, I shall remain impervious, I shall holdfast.
"You're on your own now mel, learn to stand up on your own two feet."
nights.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/bitospud/courier/black/crushed.gif) crushed
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September 28th, 2009
02:04 am - Tea Tree Oil
You told me that there were so many things in life worth fighting for, worth sacrificing for and even worth dying for. I witness myself over these past few weeks, attempting desperately to fight for the different things that seemingly matter most to my heart. It's so ironic how sometimes one can be so determined yet be so fragile, simultaneously. Perhaps I am oblivious to the fact that He has already set my feet amidst a daunting road. But I guess all of which has been planned by Him, but it is exciting yeah?
"Without a storm, there can be no rainbows."
I was just looking at little Ben kindergarten photo that I left casually upon my desk. I was suppose to carry it with me when I go for the adventure trip. He looks so cute with that bangs he used to have, and it's really hard to believe how this small mischievous kid grew up to be who he is now. Someone fully capable of protecting his love ones. Hey, I always believe you are someone who is highly capable to 'direct', 'protect' and 'correct' me in any way. You guys have no idea how much Ben has changed me positively, and how much I have grew over the months. :D
Catch me back soon, I'm leaving Singapore for four days. 3 weeks of hols left. look how fast time passed for me.
Pray for Journey mercy for me pleaseee!
loves.
Current Location: crescent.
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September 26th, 2009
September 16th, 2009
01:10 am
So baby don't worry, you are my only,
You won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
You'll be my only, no need to worry,
Baby are you down down down down down.
SO SO FRUSTRATED!
The rashes on my face, the tone sounded out of love, the emotions, the lack of time management, the abandon friendship that I care less right now and it's the time of the month.
wahlao, I am really disappointed with myself for not starting my preparation for my music exam any sooner.
I don't know how much more I can procrastinate.
and I can't stop feeling tired and restless.
I need your strength, God.
:(
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September 15th, 2009
12:00 am
This is the smile baby! I miss you so much right now, but you have already gone to see one of the seven wonders. Maybe I'll meet you at the airport later. haha!
I think I have rashes on my face since this morning, it really itches a lot and my face is red as though I had sunburn but I've been in the shade for the longest time of my life. Imagine 12x4 days in suntec convention for the past 4 days. :/ Anyway ben's parents came back from kota kinabulu today. They bought the big prawns (I forgot the name) It was really huge and I swear I have never eaten such fresh prawns before.
Anyway, Comex fair has finally ended. It was like sports camp lah! 4d3n. wth. damn tiring, my legs ache every night. The moment I sat down after bathing, I felt like I have lost my ability to walk. lol. I tried my best to earn the pathetic commission. But really it's all God's grace that I got so much sales, I prayed hard at different times of the day. I pray that I'll get more sales then minutes later, I sold one or even two. It's His works, I tell you. :D
Alice, Darren and I had fun. The future elites of sports camp leh. hahaha. The only thing I look forward to every day at the show is MEAL TIMEEEE. THE FOOD IS DAMN NICE. OH MAN, I BET I GAINED WEIGHT. wahaha..
On our way to training, we walked ten miles. All thanks to darren liew.
YaY, we webcamed a bit during work. This big eye freak actually used our picture as destop picture, purposely to embarrass us. irritating, wahlao.. I havent rant about the other girls working with us.@^#&%&^$ but I think forget it. peace now not piss.
Guess what, on the second day, all our other half came down to find us! Triple date. So sweeeet. :D :D
HAHA!
Alright, I'm going to practice my piano with my mini keyboard then I'll hit the sacks and join my beloved. I can't wait for the flea this sunday!! Excited.
xoxo.
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Jay Sean - down
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September 9th, 2009
01:06 am
This is the voice you heard and you wake up laughing to yourself. Damn funny, the whole of retreat was filled with Charlie and chuga chuga shoe shoe..
Here are some of the pictures from Pulau Ubin, where we have to fake to be trekking there.. lol.
Tell you about my Tues, it was so fruitful that I'm full so drained now. I should really start to go to bed early and have a longer daytime.
- First lesson of Piano! I've got a young and pretty teacher. lol.
- Met Guihao for lunch. Thanks for sharing so much with me and finding out my personality type. hah!
- Headed to school for FYP meeting which lasted for 2 whole hours, I was mentally drained
- Bused to VIVO to wait for baby to end work. I got a cheap deal, a zara dress for $6.90!! I'm really shocked. So just buy onlyyy. x)
- Had dinner with baby and his classmates at ms. Listening to their attachment stories really amuses me.
everything will fall into places, it's god's plan remb?
you'll do fine, I believe you will
love you.
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September 7th, 2009
11:20 am - Ben's 19, ID Camp & Retreat
What a long hiatus!! Almost wanted to close my journal because I am super lazy to update. Then I realised I do have loyal readers. hehe.
Anyway, ID camp and Retreat was a blast. I swear I enjoyed every single bit with my committee. Just that I ought to mingle with the campers more, I wish I was more outspoken but then sometimes, I'm really lazy to strike a conversation which is no goood@!
Sweetheart turned 19 yesterday. He received two surprises this year. One with the comm during retreat and with his sec best friends at timbre last evening. This poor baby had his first day at attachment. Attachment= Detachment from mel. *sad face*
I have been seeing his tired face ever since the accident happened, during the nightwalk, our beloved charlieee headbutt him and ben's tooth cut his lips and tore it apart. Gross stuff, he posted the pictures on fb. Guess what, I didn't know he went to NUH till two hours later after I cleared the stuff with the logi people. Almost the entire comm knew about it but they hid it from me. I was so worried and upset that I cried in front of Alice and Grace. It was so tensed that Alice teared. omgg. haha.
Thank God, baby was fine. Anyway please please, don't keep me in the dark ever again. My heart cannot take it. sigh. you are a kuku bird!
The celebration at Loft.
Ben at NUH, he claim that he bit the gauze for 3 hours till his jaw aches. My heart aches too.
Half of the SSC comm during the nightwalk preparation
THE ELITES. HAHA! ORGANIZER WOMANIZER PROGRAMMER OF SPORTS CAMP 2010. *winks*
And this was my last ID camp and retreat. A great deal of total fun, so much memories and so many photos taken. I'm so thankful that Ben got better and he could join us for the retreat if not he could have missed out so much. Oh, and I got my dream post for sports camppppp next year! :D
First task of the year. The CCA bearer list. Photos cropped by Alice. Just look at my lovelies comm members. I am really excited for this six months to come.
Once again Happy Birthday Baby! I'm really happy for you. Seeing you collecting all the blessings, seeing how you could smile widely again and seeing how hard you laugh. You're such a dear!!
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: 987fm
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smellyboat's journal
